The version of love that we know is all fluff and bluff. Real love has a lot of stone and steel to it. That is the love we don’t know of because that is the love the movies never showed us. And, but for the movies, we don’t know love, or do we? Had the movies not shown you that particular type, quality of love, would you even know what love is and whom to love, and how to love?
This afternoon I was sitting in a cafe overlooking the Ganges, it is beautiful. And there were couples and couples by the Ganges. Magic! And you look at their faces and their actions, and you have nothing but, you know, scenes, snippets from movies being rehashed, and terribly at that.
And if you are a movie connoisseur or something, you can even accurately point out: now, that pair, that particular one is trying to enact that particular scene from that movie. To that extent, you can be specific. The way the man or the boy is caressing her, the way she is rolling her eyes and looking, and the faces she is making…all so damn copied, hackneyed!
And that is where our love comes from.
The crooked definition of love we carry is responsible for so much mischief and so much of our suffering.
Is your lover enfeebling you, enslaving you, or empowering you? Ask yourself.
Somebody who limits you, cages you—mostly in the name of care—cannot be your friend, let alone a lover. Somebody who allows you to comfortably exist with your weaknesses cannot be a worthy lover. Somebody who doesn’t challenge your falsenesses cannot be your lover. Somebody who says, “Oh, I love you as you are,” just cannot be your lover. Run away.
Your lover has to be somebody who keeps refusing you forty times a day. Because you deserve to be refused, don’t you? What do you think of yourself?
Don’t we deserve to be corrected again and again? Don’t we deserve to be shown the light again and again? How can you be with someone who says, “No, I like you as you are—dull, gloomy, ignorant”?
Everybody deserves to be helped. But to look at someone as a patient is very different from accepting someone as your lover.
That is what I meant when I said, “Have the right relationship with the person.” Instead of dissociating, learn the right relationship. If a fellow is sick, you do not fall in love with him. What do you do? You treat him. He is a patient; he deserves medicines, not kisses. Think of a doctor who starts hugging and kissing and making love with a COVID patient. But that is what we do, don’t we?
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